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Deciding Whether Or Not To Reconcile With Your Spouse? Here’s Some Questions To Ask Yourself

I sometimes hear about people who are estranged or separated from their spouse. Often they don’t know if this is going to be a permanent situation that they should attempt to reconcile and try to make things work. It can be a tough decision, of course, because no one can see the future. You have no way of knowing if your attempts at reconciliation will actually work. That’s why sometimes the best you can do is try to assess the situation as accurately as possible and then follow your heart.

I overheard a woman say, “My husband and I broke up because we argue bitterly about the stupidest things. Most of the time we argue about our children from previous marriages. He tends to favoring his own children and he thinks I favor mine. There are all kinds of conflicts all the time. We also argue about money and how to spend our time and money as a family. We’ve been separated for about three weeks now. Last week we had dinner together and out of the blue my husband told me that he misses me and wants to make up. It stunned me a bit. This It’s not like we’ve done much to solve our problems I miss him too but I don’t know if we are There seems to be too much to sort out I really love him And I miss him too. Should I reconcile with him?”

I certainly couldn’t make that call. This decision had to come from the woman herself. However, I could give it some food for thought, which I’ll share below.

Can your problems be solved for good? :

One thing that can deteriorate and eventually destroy a marriage is the same issues that come up time and time again with no real resolution. Some couples will hang on for a while, but eventually people will get tired of arguing over the same old issues that never seem to go away.

It may therefore be useful to consider whether these are problems that can be solved. Many couples are able to work through their money and blended family issues. I’m not saying these questions are easy, but there was no infidelity or irresponsibility here. There were only differences of opinion. I felt these things could probably be resolved with a little help, but again, the woman would have to decide for herself.

Do you feel like you would have a better life without him? Can you leave knowing you’ve done everything you can? :

Often when people are at the point where it is clear that reconciliation is not a good idea, they know it from the bottom of their hearts. They reach a point where they feel strongly that their life is going to be bettered by not reconciling. They feel peace in their hearts at the thought of leaving, often because they know they have tried everything to make up and have always failed. So when it’s obvious to them that it’s time to move on, they can do so without any remorse. They can easily imagine that their spouse will remarry years from now and feel no jealousy while wishing them good luck.

None of those things seemed to be the case here. Of course, only the woman could assess that. But it can be helpful to try to imagine your life five years from now in both scenarios. If you are no longer with your spouse, would you be happier or more complete? How about you reconcile? How happy would you be then? These answers will often give you clues as to where you go from here.

Do you have a plan in place if you decide to reconcile? :

Many separated couples miss their spouse and try to reconcile. But only some succeed. Wanting to reconcile and being able to successfully reconcile so that you are ultimately happily married are two entirely different things.

To have the best chance of success, you’ll need to agree to a plan to keep you on track. Have you agreed to consult? Or will you meet once a week to assess your progress? Have you learned to negotiate your problems in new and healthier ways.

This woman confided to me that she had the same types of problems with her first husband. She was very upset that things weren’t different this time because she really loved this man. The thing is, unless you learn how to successfully navigate or modify this problem successfully, you will unfortunately get the same results. That’s why it’s very important that you don’t just rely on good intentions.

You miss your husband and want to reconcile are two very good signs. This proves that the desire is there. But if you don’t have the tools, then desire isn’t always enough. So to answer the question posed, if your heart is telling you that you want to reconcile, it’s best to make sure you have a solid plan in place that both of you are excited about until you move on.

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